Get Out Of My Way, Pimpin'!

As I stated yesterday, when you hear that phrase, you need to proceed with utmost haste to a safe location and gird yourself for what is to come...that being said, I make way for guest columnist, Rilo Santiago, reporting live from El Segundo with a bowl of mufungo.

Hello World, I am the part-time contributor/full-time insensitive jerk who will be dropping jewels on this blog. When I got called off the bench to go in the game I didn’t know if I should go for the gusto and throw a deep out, but I decided to be a west coast offense type guy and get with you low-life’s one dig at the time. So my top three issues in the sports world this week are as follows:

1. J. Noah - The University of Florida did the damn thing and are repeat national champions. A feat that has not been accomplished in what, 15 years, but these Gators will be remembered for a much different reason than previous teams. This had to be the first team I ever saw that all the star players had mom’s that looked like they might have been jump-offs 15 years ago. Who am I fooling everyone’s mom was somebody’s jump-off but take a look at Noah’s parents and you decide for yourself.

Noah's DAD

Noah's MOM

2. Pac-Man Jones - This guy had a meeting with the NFL Commish this week to discuss his random, thuggish behavior. For those who don’t know Mr. Adam “PacMan” Jones was accused of “Making it Rain” in the strip club in Vegas before a brawl and shooting took place. Also for those of you who don’t know what “Make it Rain” means, it describes showering women with money, the intent being for one to show his financial prowess in the hood (and all this time I thought a Roth IRA would protect me from the IRS). Sadly his behavior “allegedly” sparked a riot and a shooting that left one person paralyzed for life…like forever.

3. Greg O(L)Den - This guy looks damn near 40 but you know what when he talks he sounds like a young kid. Any groupie love he gets is ABSOLUTELY because of his prowess on the court. If he were rolling around in a (fill in the blank with your city) Department of Sanitation suit on, his love life would be like Ester Rolle’s porn career. He had a great game in the championship game, but you heard it here first…SAM BOWIE! I know every game that he puts up a double-double I will hear about it from someone but the kid is just not otherwordly good. Give me Kevin Durant any day of the week and I’m good. To me Mr. O(L)Den will be like Memphis Bleek, “One hit away his whole career” but as long as they aren’t able to start manufacturing 7-footers, “he’ll be a millionaire”.

Greg Oden